Get Rid of Most of It

I am often asked what I, as a Professional Organizer do in my own home to keep it organized. What do I say? Purge everything. If you get rid of most everything, not only is it easier to organize what you do have, but it also takes so much less energy, effort and time. Energy, effort and time. I lack energy at the end of long day. I definitely don't want to put in much effort when I don't have much energy. And my time will always be limited. But when I block out time, I can accomplish small tasks.

Make a list of 5 things/projects you would like to accomplish this week. For me:
1. Clean off kitchen counter and prepare school binder for fall
2. Clear out as many items of unwanted clothing from my closet as possible
3. Purge books, DVDs and cds
4. Clear out pantry and wash each shelf
5. Clear out cabinet under TV and the cabinet under book shelf

Five things. Five projects I want to accomplish this week. By getting rid of more and more from my home each week, I am able to keep what I do have more organized.

I will set the timer each day for a half hour to an hour at a time. I will get done as much as I can in that time. If I have energy  and time to continue, I will set it for additional half hour increments.

Try this method this week.

Judge - A Short Story of Friendship Redemption

"I have come to realize that it isn't the subject matter I have problems with, it is the delivery, the facial expressions, the body language, the words chosen, the often condescending tone of voice, and the pious continuation of the conversation after someone has attempted to change the subject. This is ultimately why I struggle. I now understand why I seek out certain friends over others. For the longest time, I couldn't identify what the issue was. And then I realized it wasn't just listening to the words being spoken, I was observing, studying, and overtly judging people based on their entire being. I had to set my judgemental thoughts aside, evaluate the friendships that challenged me so much and just love people. I am a faulty flawed individual myself. My entire life, thoughts, feelings, and conversations also could be totally unnerving to others. Grace. It is all about grace. However, it is also about making sure I speak up when I don't agree, not nod in agreement and hope they stop talking. It made me aware of own tendencies to drone on and be far too sarcastic without knowing or understanding my intended audience."  Judge - short story of friendship redemption.

Be Honest. Be Kind

Can we all as a society stop mom shaming? Can we stop pointing fingers and whispering and gossiping? Every time someone posts a picture of their child, singing in the car... Where is their seat belt? Or eating a treat like an ice cream cone... You should concentrate on fruits and vegetables and never reward a child with a food treat. Or when your child's skin looks a little pink and sun kissed... Are you sure you are using the right sun screen? You should apply all natural sunscreen many times a day and possibly look into buying your child a sun shirt. I am done. My feelings have been hurt and I think many other moms are feeling hurt also. Feeling judged, ridiculed, defeated. Let's go back to a day where we encourage each other rather than tear down. Let's do back to a day where we love each other unconditionally rather than pass judgement. Let's go back to a day where we speak only kind words to each and we do not gossip behind each others backs. And let's just face it. We need  to admit that none of us truly have our act together. We spend way to much time trying to make it look like we do. Let's be honest and be kind to each other. It isn't that hard. And I will probably give both of my children ice cream cones tonight right before bed...

The Tale of Two Shop Owners

I struggled this morning with a shop owner and had a great experience with another shop owner. The first was a small boutique. Zach (now 16 and so very tall at 6'2"),  Lily (my spirited 12 year old daughter) and I walked into a store and Zach made a beeline through the store to make sure he understood the dimensions and layout, and possibly looked for a bathroom.

The lady behind the counter was helping a customer and shouts at me, not kidding, "Um, I don't know what he is doing or where he is going... But... ."

I looked up from the cute jewelry to see Zach returning to me from the back of the store. I replied, "He has autism and is just checking out your store."

I looked at Lily and told her to follow me. Zach then became very happy to see the large mirrors in the changing rooms. Beautiful clothing, accessories, handbags, jewelry, home decor and gifts were left untouched as the woman then approached me and said, "I am sorry that was just weird." I asked Zach to go wait outside the front door. I smiled at the woman, I took Lily by the hand and we then walked slowly to the front door without saying a word to her. I turned as I reached the door and said thank you and walked out. I could have been rude, but biting my tongue was the best thing to do.

Lily and I then had a great conversation about never returning rudeness with rudeness. She asked a lot of questions about why that lady acted so weird because of Zach. I told her how people's words and actions  are often due to ignorance and lack of understanding. She got it. She totally understood that I could have let that woman have it and made a scene in front of her four other customers. But I didn't. All she needed was my direct eye contact, a smile, the fact that I left without spending a penny and possibly the knowledge that I will never return. It was my Julia Robert's moment from Pretty Woman. "Big Mistake. Huge." - but without saying a word.

My amazing son is tall and handsome.  He is able to speak and have his needs met.  He is inquisitive and enjoys becoming familiar with the lay of the land in each new location.  He wears large black noise blocking headphones which help protect him from sensory overload when he feels assaulted by loud noises. His mannerisms are often viewed as atypical and it is quite apparent that special needs come into play when he is out in public. I struggle as a parent when adults are not kind, or act as if my son't physical presence is a nuisance.  I often wonder where many adults were on the day when God handed out compassion, because I have witnessed far too many people who do not possess that trait when interacting with my son.

Then, this afternoon after a couple errands, Zach and I stopped in at Paragon Bakery. They have been there for over a year and I didn't know. Very reasonable prices, cute dinning room, super friendly wait staff. The owner was very interested in understanding my Gluten Free needs, showed me everything, discussed pricing, call ahead orders, and ingredients. She also made sure I knew the specials and had bread for my family for dinner tomorrow night.

It was an amazing interaction. Zach would have to agree. He ordered a still warm chocolate chip cookie as big as his head that was $1.35. I ordered a GF cupcake with frosting $2.35 (amazing!) Zach yelled thank you to her and she said you are welcome. She asked his name, what his favorite treats are, how old he is, if he will want to come back again and if he wanted to sit in the comfy chairs in the dining room. He loved the attention.

She then looked directly at my son and said, "Zach it was a pleasure meeting you today.  I am so glad you like the cookies. Next time you come back, bring your mom." My heart swelled with joy.

She observed my neurodivergent man sized child, included him in conversation and made sure his needs were met. She met him where he is at. She didn't startle when he went to enter the kitchen, but smiled at him and welcomed him in. She showed him around and let him freely roam and only came near to protect him as he approached the hot ovens. He smiled at her and pretended to breathe in deeply, taking in all of the delicious smells.

Two stores. Two completely different experiences. I have a feeling the bakery will now receive a lot of my business.

Long Dark Curly Hair

Dear New Librarian,
I haven't seen you here before. I thought I knew all the librarians. You must be new. We spend a lot of time here. Every Saturday actually from 10 til 1130 am or so. Zach enjoys it so much. He plays on computers, looks at the movie and enjoys showing me new books. Lily loves finding big thick books that are filled with tales of wonder and occasionally tales of woe.

We were not able to go to the library last Saturday. The window guy came to replace the windows.

Today, when Zach arrived home from summer school, he requested a trip to the library. I of course obliged since we had three past due items to return.

I noticed you behind the counter right away as there was a line at the service desk and you looked quite busy assisting others. I got Zach set up at a computer and watched as Lily slowly paraded through the stacks in search of new book arrivals. Zach stood from his computer nook and headed to the movies. Taking the same route as he always does past the service counter, the water fountain and restrooms.
As Zach returned to his nook, he slowly approached you as you turned your head in the opposite direction. I saw his hand raise   then hesitate and then gently stroke the length of your beautiful hair. I saw the look on your face. You were a little startled and turned your head quickly in Zach's direction. You smiled immediately upon seeing him.

Zach, 14, so very tall at almost 6'2" with a smile on his face and big yellow noise blocking headphones covering his ears, smiled in return. I went to take a step forward to intervene and apologize for the unsolicited hair petting.

Zach said one word to you, "Nice," and walked back to me at his computer. You replied, "Why, thank you." You didn't panic, you didn't stammer, you didn't stare. You continued on with you work. When you caught me watching you you smiled at me and I did in return.

I want to thank you, new librarian with the long, dark curly hair. Thank you for being kind. Thank you for seeing my son meant you no harm and that he was truly admiring your beautiful soft locks. Thank you for being so intuitive that you knew immediately that Zach's atypical behavior wasn't threatening or odd. Thank you for knowing that a one word compliment coming from a very tall Autistic teen might be the best conversation you have today. Thank you for being kind and smiling and carrying on with your day like nothing occurred. Because your reaction speaks volumes to Zach. Your reaction was a possible encouragement to Zach to continuing complimenting others and to enter into conversations that might not be comfortable for him. You reaction was the best reaction possible. Kind, sweet and you used simple words. Words of thanks.

So New Librarian at the Chaska Library, this parent thanks you earnestly. And we hope to see you this upcoming Saturday from 10 to 1130. Oh and Thursday at 11 when  the therapy dogs are here.

Speak Words

Home Organization Tips From a Professional Organizer

 I have been a  Professional Organizer for the past 14+ years.  I was a banker and made a career change after starting a family.  I was able to turn my knack for organization, my financial training and my ability to effectively teach others what to do into a career as an Organizer. My specialty is Court Ordered and Shrink Ordered Hoarding and working with the Aging Demographic. I have found every client is unique, wonderfully challenged and desires a breakthrough when it comes to reclaiming their home and their life.My goal is to find out what the real challenge is, address it, provide the tools to move forward and enable clients to do it on their own.  My ability to address chaos, excess and severe turmoil in homes- calms, reassures and enable clients to focus on what is important: enjoying the space they call home and spending real time together as a family.

I often address the same things with each client that I work with:

1) There is so much stuff and I don’t know where to start!! - Yes you have a lot of stuff but why? Is there a shopping issue, a tendency to hoard certain items, the desire to save everything? We often dive deeper. Why are you shopping? Who are these items for?  Is this a true hoarding situation or the inability to make a decision? Why is everything being saved?   A death in the family, a divorce, loss, hurt, fear,childhood pain, avoidance. So many emotions and feelings factor into identifying the root of the problem, and it is important to talk about it with others, or seek professional help if need be.

2)  I don’t have time to fix the situation in my home.- There is only 24 hours in the day. Your home didn’t get this chaotic overnight, it isn’t going to be fixed overnight. Make your home a priority.  Be realistic. Block out time. Make sure you have eaten first, have water available and you are ready to get started. Take a half hour and address the mail, bills and the piles on the kitchen counter.   Spend that time with laundry and changing out seasonal clothing.  Try tackling everything on the desk first, then what is in the desk and lastly, what is around the desk in the office.(This is called the On, In, Around Discipline)

3) Show me how to get rid of this crap. I just can’t do it. -First, you can do this and you will. I often suggest three bags, or three boxes labeled garbage, donate, and sell.  And a specific area of the room for the items to keep and relocate. Once you have picked your room , use the Inch by Inch approach. The idea of an entire room can be overwhelming. Take care of what is in that small space in front of you and move on. When completed, then take out the garbage, bring the donate and sell items to your car or garage, and relocate your keep items. Stick with it and a room will be done in no time.

4) I don’t have the money to buy everything to get organized.--  Tons of money isn’t needed to get organized . You need Less. Less of everything. Stop trying to organize the clutter, the excess, the unneeded items. Purge first. Purge multiple times if necessary. Having less enables you to enjoy your living space. Evaluate the items you are holding onto and continue purging. I often suggest active purging on a quarterly basis, monthly if need be.  

“New” storage systems aren’t needed when functional is desired. Consider Cragislist, Goodwill or garage sales.  Label every bin with the contents. Try repurposing items in your home. Use the kids toy storage from when they small to hold toiletries in your closet or cabinet. Use a downgraded dresser to store presents, seasonal decor and wrapping paper and supplies in your storage room.  Use those hard to reach cabinets over the fridge to store large service items. Use a functional bench by your door or a footstool. Everything you own doesn’t need to be on display.

5) I can’t do this alone.--You are right!  That is why it is important to ask for help. Arrange childcare and enlist an extra set of hands for an Organizational Swap.  Ask a friend who also needs help to spend one Saturday morning at your house, and you spend the next Saturday morning at their home. Block out the time on the calendar and stick to it.   Plan ahead on which projects to tackle rather than a whole room.  Work quickly by avoiding difficult items such as memorabilia, clothing, or items that belong to others.

Organizing your home is a process. It takes patience, planning and persistence.  You can do this. Just start today. No more excuses.