When You Can Not Go Any Further

I am in love with the state of Tennessee and the Smoky Mountain National Park.  We are here vacationing and staying at a cabin at Shagbark in the mountains.  Our best friends from Georgia met us here and we are enjoying spending time together.  Meals shared around our table of eight.  The last three days we have played dominoes and watched movies, and played charades together in the evening. We have also enjoyed going to the local Baptist Church on Sunday morning, tried to swim in the too cold pool, gone to the aquarium, gone shopping, played mini golf, and arcade games.  And we have spent hours catching up laughing together.

Today, we headed into The Smoky Mountain National Park and planned to go to the Grotto Falls.  We found out soon after getting into the National Park that the road leading to Grotto Falls was closed.  We decided to head to Rainbow Falls.  2.7 miles straight up.  I thought I could do it, but I couldn't.  I had surgery five months ago, and thought I was fine, I was not. The pain set in almost right away.  I only made it about a 3/4 of a mile up. If I had been walking on flat ground, I probably would have gotten a lot further. But today was not my day to climb the mountain to Rainbow Falls.

I had to encourage my husband to go ahead and continue without me.  He didn't want to go. He was concerned about leaving me alone without cellphone coverage in the mountains. I told him I would be fine. I had no intentions of going down the mountain myself and promised him I would stay put and explore.  He was hesitant as we had already encountered three bears. I finally convinced him and he raced to join the rest of our family.

The reason I wasn't sure that I could descend the mountain on my own is because of my crazy cyborg eyes.  I have intra ocular lenses in my eyes and struggle with depth perception.  I never feel sure footed especially on steep terrain, rocky paths or uneven ground. I decided I would for sure stay put when I realized that I didn't even have keys for our vehicle.  The National Park was very busy today, so I knew that I would encounter quite a few people along the beaten path.  And I knew they would be curious why I was remaining in one location and by myself.

First, I knew I needed to scope the local area and make sure that I knew my surroundings. I came up with a plan if I encountered bears or if I felt in danger for some reason.  There was a large tree I could hide behind.  I knew there was a stone rock wall I could carefully climb down to get out of the way visually. And I can scream and people were almost always within sight, but would for sure hear me.  I had nothing to fear.  I spent more time enjoying nature than anything else.  Pine cones, huge acorns, twisted vines, poisonous centipedes and huge red body daddy long legs.  The singing birds were a beautiful sound along with the constant sound of running water in the creek.

I also had some great conversations. Met a couple from Wisconsin who were a little concerned about me and stayed with me a bit to make sure I was really fine like I said.  They were worried about the bears because just as we sped up and passed them, the momma bear decided climbing on a car in the road was appropriate. They have had a few encounters with bears themselves in Wisconsin.  The woman from Texas was sweating very badly in the 98% humidity.  She was panicked because they had passes to the Dolly show and she wasn't going to miss the show because of a hike she didn't want to go on in the first place. The funniest conversation I had was with a woman who was more upset about the amount of moonshine she still had in her stomach than the fact that she knew she was never going to make it up the mountain either.

My day was exciting.  I spent a lot of time by myself, but I had a great day.  I enjoyed God's creation, spoke with some interesting people and came up with a makeshift survival plan if I was assaulted by bears.  Rather than getting upset that I physically wasn't able to go all the way to the top, I was thankful that I made it as far as I did. I was overjoyed that no one was asking anything of me and my job was to be immersed in my surroundings.  No, I wasn't able to enjoy the view from the top, but the view from where I was, was pretty amazing.

When you can not go any further, when your body gives out, when pain takes over, when your heart can't do it anymore, never view it as giving up.  Today I made the wise decision to stop, catch my breath and let my body heal. I wasn't giving up, I was changing course. I was experiencing an unplanned adventure that I may never get the chance to experience again.  And for that, I am eternally grateful.  It wasn't a fluke, it wasn't an easy out, my body just wasn't ready to climb a mountain.  And that is alright with me.

Vacances S'il Vous Plait

I woke this morning is a town called Mt. Juliet, Tennessee.  Near Nashville, our family has enjoyed being on the road the last few days.  Leaving Minnesota bright and early this past Thursday morning, we drove straight through to St. Louis.  We were ready to be out of the car. We enjoyed a good dinner out and then went back to the hotel for a swim.  The "heated pool" made us long for a non existent hot tub.  We all were more than happy to fall into a deep sleep that evening.  After breakfast at the hotel and a mandatory Starbucks stop, we drove to the Illinois side of the river and enjoyed the Gateway Arch from top of an amazing three tiered ramp.  It was a beautiful park and we took our time before getting back on the road.

Once on the road, we headed to Nashville. We thought it would take us less than 5 hours, but we were greatly slowed by multiple accidents on the freeway.  Once in Nashville, we drove around a bit,  briefly enjoyed a few sites and then headed to the hotel and out to dinner at Cheddar's. Now, my family usually enjoys this restaurant in the southern states.  It was not a great experience.  Our meals took forever, my drink wasn't great, our waiter was actually rude when I questioned the small portion of the dinner portion of crap salmon I was served, my daughter was disappointed with her meal and Zach wasn't interested in it at all.  We tried. At least we had dinner in us.  We headed back to the hotel and enjoyed a wonderful swim in a quiet perfectly heated pool.  A quite evening of cards and a movie before heading to bed.

As we woke bright and early today, we packed up, ate breakfast again at the hotel an headed to Starbucks for our mandatory visit. 
Now on the road to Gatlinburg and The Smoky Mountains, we are enjoying a peaceful drive and the beautiful rolling hills and trees.  So excited to spend this week in the mountains at an Airbnb. And even more excited to meet our best friends there. We have missed our friends as we haven't seen them since February. The 8 of us haven't all been together since last summer when they came to Minnesota for a visit. We then traveled to Stockholm, WI together for a nice stay at The Refuge.

This week will be filled with great conversation, excellent food, lots of games played, walking and exploring, admiring God's creation, swimming and more great conversation as we catch up on each other's lives.  I can't wait to hug our friends. To love on them and hug them again.

Our kids are as excited as we are.  Vacation may commence....now.

Bucket

Bucket

By: Kelli J Gavin 

I have been told it is too small
My bucket, that is
Too small to hold it all
Hopes and dreams should be big I am told
Bigger than what my bucket can hold
I believe it is just the right size
It contains everything I need
Happiness
Memories
Love
Faith
Kindness extended to me
Forgiveness
Lessons learned
Gratefulness
But what it contains is mine
A little bit of who I am
Of what I have become
When I pour it all out
I gaze at where I once was
Savor where I am now
It is all together inspiring to me
That my small bucket holds
Everything I need
Hopes for my children
Dreams for my loved ones
Satisfaction of a life being lived well
Stop worrying about my bucket
Start addressing the hole in yours

Notifications

I received your text message. Seeing it was from you made me smile.

I am so thankful for the prayer you sent by email last evening. Thank you for praying for me and encouraging me.

Thank you for reaching out to me on social media. I love the fact that we can share in each other's day and connect when we live so far away from each other.

I love the jokes you sent me.  I laughed much longer than necessary. Thank you for making me laugh today.


Ding. Vibration. Ring.  All day long every day.  Our phones vibrate, ring, light up and alert us that someone is attempting to get into contact with us.  Sometimes, the notifications are annoying. They alert us while we are working, when we are with a client, trying to make dinner,  or working with kids on homework.  We silence our phone and stash it in a location to be picked up later when we actually have time to address other matters.  But there are also the notifications that make us smile.

When my phone rings, and it my sister or my best friend, I am so excited to see they are calling.  An email from a friend I haven't stayed in contact with very well can change the course of a day.  Even the occasional like or heart on social media. Or the comments of, "You are not alone, me too."  "I miss you, can we get together next week?"  "I love seeing how much your kids are growing up!" These notifications warm my heart, enable me to treasure relationships even more and crave community.

But that is the point.  Technological touch points throughout the day should encourage us to take one step further.  To reach out to the friend going through a tough time and actually sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee together.  To meet that group of friends that has promised to get together for the last year and haven't been able to find a time that works.  Our days should be filled with the physical presence of loved ones, not just the online presence.

My favorite notifications make me smile and sometimes blush. They make me feel good about relationships and affirm what I have been investing in and what I have been encouraged by.  Notifications are often the -I love you, I am thinking of you, I am praying for you, I miss you - that we all need and want to hear.

Close Attention

I wondered for three days if my feelings were justified.  Three days.  I had been hurt by an acquaintance when they were rude to me.  I love being a writer.  It brings me great joy to write about life, what makes me happy, what challenges me and what helps me connect with other people. The person who hurt me asked me about being a Professional Organizer.  I refer to being a Professional Organizer as my day time job.  The person asked me if I was "still holding on to the dream of being a writer."  I knew exactly how this conversation was going to play out.  I explained that I was very much a writer and just because I haven't sold a book to a publisher, doesn't mean that I am not a writer.  She scoffed and replied, "Well, I am glad you are having fun with your hobby," and then changed the subject.

I have come to realize that people do not view writers as writers unless they are on the New York Times Best Sellers List.  That a writer isn't a writer if they haven't written ten books and their name is recognized by the masses.  These two ideas are preposterous.  When this woman referred to writing being my hobby,  I knew that she already had a preconceived idea of what she thought a writer should be, and I didn't meet her expectations. She also thought that whatever I had to say wouldn't be relevant and changed the conversation immediately.

I could have retaliated. I could have spoken up for myself.  I could have volunteered all the ways that I am an actual writer.  I have written over 250 short stories, articles, book reviews and poems that have been published in print and online. I have written and conducted a memoir writing class and created a solid curriculum and instructions for writing a book of 30 short stories in 30 days.  I have 9 anthology book inclusions in the last two years.  I have written two books. One a non fiction short story memoir and the other, a children's book about my son Zach as a teen with Autism. I am working on my third book of fiction short stories. -But I didn't volunteer any of this information.  She isn't a friend. She isn't my intended audience. There isn't a reason under the sun why I should ever feel the need to justify something that I love doing.

I love when people tell me about their lives. About the jobs they enjoy, the work they struggle with, the unrealized dreams of what they hope to do someday.  I also am so excited when I hear of accomplishments and successes. I love knowing when things aren't working out the way someone has planned and how I can be praying for people. I love when my circle of friends live life together and share in every life happening.  This is what friends do.  They love each other. They support each other. They pray for each other.

I wonder how you have been hurt. Started a small business and all of your friends told you they thought it was so great, but no one bought anything or supported you? You shared your dream of what you wanted to do someday and then were told it was impractical and that you shouldn't quit your day job?  Worked yourself to the bone and proved yourself to be a loyal employee only to be passed over time and time again for the promotion you desired?  Finally succeeded and some never really committed to memory what you actually were working so hard to accomplish because it wasn't viewed a worthy? People and relationships are hard!  People are prickly, sometimes downright abrasive and often not supportive.  They are self centered, unwilling to praise others and do not let themselves be excited for someone else's success. To me, that is a sorry state of existence.

I love observing people. Their word choices, their mannerisms, the flow of conversation and even the words left unsaid.  And in all these years of observing people, I have learned that it is very important to pay close attention to the people who don't clap when you win.

Never beg for affirmation. Never work for a friendship or for someone to like you.  Sometimes, it is time to circle the wagons and tighten your sphere down to the ones who naturally clap when you win.  To pare your relationships down to those that matter.  To surround yourself with people who build you up and not tear you down.  To only love  people that love you and take mutual joy in all of your successes and walk with you through the dessert of pain and suffering.

Those three days that I spent wondering if my hurt feelings were justified?  Those were three wasted days.  My feelings were justified and I do not need to look elsewhere to understand this fact.  There is a reason why this woman who hurt me is an acquaintance and not a friend and involved in my every day life. Her referring to my "hobby" reminded me exactly why she has been kept at arms length.  The next time she and I come face to face, I will be kind, I will greet her warmly, and I will move on.  Because I do not plan to waste energy on those that do not clap for me.



-Side note- Do not greet me with a round of applause the next time I see you. You know who you are my snarky friends.

Power

I have found myself many times thinking about trials and suffering. Probably because I have seen more than my fair share in my lifetime. My dad left my family when I was 12. I took ill with Lyme Disease when I was 14. Struggled with family dynamics and relationships when I was an older teen. I had to dropout of college because we were poor and I ran out of money. I married young and then struggled with infertility issues.  Dealt with harassment in the workplace. My first child had severe developmental delays and was later diagnosed with Autism. My husband was diagnosed with a medical condition that will forever change his life and he will never fully recover. I took ill again and faced 4 significant surgeries over the past two years. So many trials, some have questioned how I continue when faced with such adversity. That inner strength is Christ in me.

I was raised in a small family in the country in Minnesota. My parents were encouraging and poured into my sister's and my life. They provided a faith foundation and made sure we went to a Bible preaching church and answered our questions about God and His Son Jesus. We were provided with Bibles and shown how exciting the stories and lessons from the Bible were. We were able to attend summer camps and youth retreats where our knowledge about God as a loving Father and as the creator of the Universe grew. Our parents understood the importance of us as children developing a faith in Jesus that was our own. Not just a faith that our parents practiced. As a teenager, I discovered a saving faith in Jesus and continued to seek after Biblical knowledge, spend time in The Word and spend time in prayer.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. -- In this verse alone, I found that faith was about hope and assurance. Two things that most people continually desire in life. But the most important aspect is confidence. Confidence in the saving grace of Jesus who died on the cross for my sins.

I do not practice a religion. I do not associate with a denomination. I identify as a Christian (a Christ follower) who has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I place my faith and my trust in Him. I have placed my life in His hands.

With any faith or belief system, it is often personal, yet life changing.  And my Christian walk has been just that. Through each trial, in every challenge, I am reminded that I am not alone, I have a personal God who cares and provides for me.  I am also reminded that suffering is temporary and lasts but a night, and joy comes in the morning.  (Psalm 30:5)

I am joy filled person. And it is the Joy of the Lord that is my strength. (Nehemiah 8:10) I love life and live it to the fullest.  I enjoy being a wife, a mother, and friend. I want to encourage, help and serve others when I can and pour into their lives the way my parents did for my sister and I.  I also love being a writer.  I write about life and what matters. I write about my family and relationships with other people. I write about what hurts, what makes me smile each day, and I write about the importance of a personal faith foundation.  My strength isn't self supported. I have absolutely nothing to do with it. I am faulty human at best.  But I am strong because the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives inside me. (Romans 8:11)

When I tell you I am just 10 weeks into recovery from extensive surgery, most would still be curled up in bed and resting at home.  I get up each day, I pray and I ask for strength.  Strength which I do not possess on my own, but strength that is found in Jesus. When I smile and laugh and enjoy each day that is given to me, I know that each day is an actual gift and we are not promised another. So I choose to live each day to fullest, to seek out others who choose to do the same and share my faith. That is where my true inner strength is found.  A confidence in what I hope for, yet can not see.

Bon Fire Bible Study

I feel very blessed by female friendships.  I feel like I have a wonderful circle of women friends whom I can turn to at moments notice. Friends that I can call and rely on when I need them most.  Friends that will support me and pray with me when I am struggling and friends that will also rejoice with me when I rejoice. I can send a text in the middle of the night and receive a response first thing in the morning.  I can log on to social media and put out an SOS for help with a family in need and friends respond immediately with clothing, gift cards and food.  I will never take this for granted because it hasn't always been the case.  And I understand that so many women crave community and fellowship with other women but struggle forming a circle of friends.

But something that I have also observed, are men who struggle to make male friends. In high school and in college, friends are everywhere.  Sometimes even after from sports leagues or even work friends.  However, men lack one thing across the board.  Other close male friends.  Men that support other men during trials and support each other during sickness.  Men that make life fun again when life seems like too much work.  Men that help other men network after job loss or a relocation.  Men that put others first and care more about relationships than they care about putting themselves first. Men that hold each other accountable, model for each other how to be a great husband and father and also are not afraid to keep each other in check is someone's behavior isn't acceptable.  Men that do life together.

I have been married for a very long time.  24 years in June. I have learned many things during this time.  And a whole lot of them are about how I can support my husband as he continues to support me.  One of the things that we make sure we do is to enable each of us to attend Bible Study.  Monday nights for the men where Josh leads a small group, Tuesday nights for the women. I then also teach on Tuesday mornings. We also make sure that we are able to have time with friends.  Josh is going out tomorrow evening after work with friends and I am going shopping and out to dinner with my sister this upcoming Sunday.  We enable the other to go by making sure that the other is home for the kids. We also enable each other to attend meetings and fundraisers without the other spouse attending.  Not everything Josh attends is fun for me, and likewise.  Sometimes, it is just more fun to attend certain events with my female friends.

Tonight was a perfect example of why I strive to make this possible for Josh and why he does it for me.  This group of men are sitting around a bonfire in our backyard studying the Bible together. They are praying with each other and for each other. They are supporting each other. They genuinely care for each other and go out of their way to get together every Monday night at our house for Bible Study.  Many of their wives are also in the same studies that I attend or teach. This is how our circle of friends support each other.  Husbands and wives, together and separately. 

These are also the families that I love their children as if they were my own. They hold a very special place in my heart and I treasure that all of our families have fit together so well.

Husbands, love your and support your wives. Enable them go to Bible Study and to spend time with friends.  Wives, love and support your husbands. Enable them to go to Bible Study and to spend time with friends.  Marriages tend to prosper when couples place being in The Word and Relationships as a priority.