I wondered for three days if my feelings were justified. Three days. I had been hurt by an acquaintance when they were rude to me. I love being a writer. It brings me great joy to write about life, what makes me happy, what challenges me and what helps me connect with other people. The person who hurt me asked me about being a Professional Organizer. I refer to being a Professional Organizer as my day time job. The person asked me if I was "still holding on to the dream of being a writer." I knew exactly how this conversation was going to play out. I explained that I was very much a writer and just because I haven't sold a book to a publisher, doesn't mean that I am not a writer. She scoffed and replied, "Well, I am glad you are having fun with your hobby," and then changed the subject.
I have come to realize that people do not view writers as writers unless they are on the New York Times Best Sellers List. That a writer isn't a writer if they haven't written ten books and their name is recognized by the masses. These two ideas are preposterous. When this woman referred to writing being my hobby, I knew that she already had a preconceived idea of what she thought a writer should be, and I didn't meet her expectations. She also thought that whatever I had to say wouldn't be relevant and changed the conversation immediately.
I could have retaliated. I could have spoken up for myself. I could have volunteered all the ways that I am an actual writer. I have written over 250 short stories, articles, book reviews and poems that have been published in print and online. I have written and conducted a memoir writing class and created a solid curriculum and instructions for writing a book of 30 short stories in 30 days. I have 9 anthology book inclusions in the last two years. I have written two books. One a non fiction short story memoir and the other, a children's book about my son Zach as a teen with Autism. I am working on my third book of fiction short stories. -But I didn't volunteer any of this information. She isn't a friend. She isn't my intended audience. There isn't a reason under the sun why I should ever feel the need to justify something that I love doing.
I love when people tell me about their lives. About the jobs they enjoy, the work they struggle with, the unrealized dreams of what they hope to do someday. I also am so excited when I hear of accomplishments and successes. I love knowing when things aren't working out the way someone has planned and how I can be praying for people. I love when my circle of friends live life together and share in every life happening. This is what friends do. They love each other. They support each other. They pray for each other.
I wonder how you have been hurt. Started a small business and all of your friends told you they thought it was so great, but no one bought anything or supported you? You shared your dream of what you wanted to do someday and then were told it was impractical and that you shouldn't quit your day job? Worked yourself to the bone and proved yourself to be a loyal employee only to be passed over time and time again for the promotion you desired? Finally succeeded and some never really committed to memory what you actually were working so hard to accomplish because it wasn't viewed a worthy? People and relationships are hard! People are prickly, sometimes downright abrasive and often not supportive. They are self centered, unwilling to praise others and do not let themselves be excited for someone else's success. To me, that is a sorry state of existence.
I love observing people. Their word choices, their mannerisms, the flow of conversation and even the words left unsaid. And in all these years of observing people, I have learned that it is very important to pay close attention to the people who don't clap when you win.
Never beg for affirmation. Never work for a friendship or for someone to like you. Sometimes, it is time to circle the wagons and tighten your sphere down to the ones who naturally clap when you win. To pare your relationships down to those that matter. To surround yourself with people who build you up and not tear you down. To only love people that love you and take mutual joy in all of your successes and walk with you through the dessert of pain and suffering.
Those three days that I spent wondering if my hurt feelings were justified? Those were three wasted days. My feelings were justified and I do not need to look elsewhere to understand this fact. There is a reason why this woman who hurt me is an acquaintance and not a friend and involved in my every day life. Her referring to my "hobby" reminded me exactly why she has been kept at arms length. The next time she and I come face to face, I will be kind, I will greet her warmly, and I will move on. Because I do not plan to waste energy on those that do not clap for me.
-Side note- Do not greet me with a round of applause the next time I see you. You know who you are my snarky friends.
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