Emotional Anniversary

I realized what an emotional anniversary was the summer I turned 12.  I lived in Forest Lake and my sister and I would often bike the short 1.3 miles to the Tom Thumb gas station in Lino Lakes.  The town of Lino was so small, it only had that one 4 corner stop and then additional stop signs at the end of of each road that met up with the main drag called Lake Drive. One beautiful summer day, my sister and I neared the four corner stop intersection.  I felt strange, a little light headed and filled with fear. The four corner stop was approximately 200 feet away. I was almost there. There. The four corner stop. I quickly braked, came to an abrupt stop and put my feet on the gravel. I burst into tears. I gulped for air. I felt like I had been punched in the chest.  I saw my sister stopped at the four corner stop and turn to look at me. I stepped off my bike, pulled it into the weeds by the side of the road and was able to realize what all of this sudden fear was about.

Two summers prior, my sister and I had been gifted amazing 10 speed bikes from our parents.  I loved my bright yellow banana seat bike, but was thrilled to have a new shiny bright red 10 speed.  My father loved riding and we knew he had lofty ideas of my sister and I eventually joining him on his summer Tri-state 300. I was still getting used to the bike that summer and struggled getting used to the hand brake rather than the step back brake on my old yellow bike.  I approached the 4 corner stop on the way to the Circle Pines Library (quite a trek for a 10 year old) and knew I would need to brake and be careful as there would be many cars and large trucks also approaching the intersection.

I panicked the closer I came to the sign.  Squeezing, squeezing the brakes as hard as I could to stop and my bike keep proceeding forward.  I wasn't squeezing the hand brake, I was squeezing the handle bars. I slammed full force into the stop sign and fell to the ground.  My dad catapulted himself towards me to assess how hurt I really was.  Gravel embedded in my shins, knees, and in the palms of my hands, blood poured down both legs. Nothing was broken. My tears fell and I couldn't catch my breath. I was in so much pain. I swiped tears with my dirty blood stained hands and wiped blood into my right eye.  I was overwhelmed with pain and disbelief. My dad cleaned me up with handkerchief and water from his drinking bottle. He pulled as much of the loose gravel from my bloodied body as he could and tried to reason with me about why this even happened.

My dad explained that I had been squeezing the handle bars and not the hand brakes. He showed me how to do it again, but I could barely see what he was doing from my dirt smudged eyes. I waited a bit an worked on controlling my breathing and he handed me another handkerchief to clean my face. I was still dealing with dripping blood from my legs and my hands were on fire. Once I caught my breath, I told him I was heading home. He asked me to continue with him and my sister to the library. I just couldn't do it. I explained that I was going home. I could see the disappointment in his face, but at the point it didn't matter to me.

When I got home, my mom came out to the front yard to meet me. My dad must have called her from the gas station to tell her what happened. (This was way before the days of cell phones.)
My mom brought me a nice tall glass of water and we went over to the garden hose and she washed me up as good as she could.  My mom was so calm and caring. But said something that surprised me. She told me the best thing that I could do was to get right back on that bike again. What? She had to be crazy. Ride a bike again?! I was never getting on a bike again. So much blood and so many bandages gave me every right in the world to never mount that shiny new red ten speed again. She hugged me and loved on me, and told me to think about it.

I didn't sleep well that night. All I could think about was that both my mom and dad were right. I needed to get back on that bike again and soon.  I also couldn't sleep because even the light sheet hurt my wounded body.  In the morning, I moved slow, I moved at a snails pace. I needed to take my time. I showered again and continued to remove more loose gravel from my knees. I ate breakfast and got dressed. And then it was time. I told my sister I wanted to ride to the gas station and asked if she wanted to come with me. She looked at me dumbfounded, but quickly replied yes.

The ride to the gas station and through the 4 corner stop was uneventful and life giving. It was the most restorative experience that I may have ever had so far in my very young life of 10 years.  I may have given up the day before. But not the next. I got back on the bike and proved to myself that I could do it.

The summer I was 12, these memories came flooding back to me. Not in bits and pieces, but as fast as I crashed into that stop sign.  All that emotion, all the pain, and all the self doubt bombarded me. But then so did the feelings of strength, of self determination and of perseverance. I was literally knocked down and got up again.

I calmed myself, wiped my tears and regulated my breathing. These memories were empowering. They showed me where I had been and where I was now. I was strong. I was able and I can keep going.

This emotional anniversary happened to be the first of many.  Some so amazing, some completely heart breaking. Each serving a purpose, each making me into who I am today. When a memory seeps into my mind, when a date on the calendar brings tears to my eyes, when a heart to heart hug floods my skin and bones with fond remembrance,  I no longer ignore or hide them. I now embrace, experience, savor and often enjoy those Emotional Anniversaries. Because each one will always serve a purpose.

Zach and Sondra

Our son Zach is 14 years old and attends 9th grade at Chanhassen High School. He is enrolled in the Autism In Motion program. The other programs in the Special Education Department are designed for kids with other special needs such as Down Syndrome, Significant Learning Delays and Severe Physical Impairments.

Zach loves school. He loves adaptive phy-ed where he enjoys basketball, tennis and occasionally floor hockey. He also enjoys walking on the indoor track on the mezzanine level of the gym and riding a three wheeled adaptive bike.  He enjoys digital photo class where he is given a scavenger list and must find specific things in his school to take pictures of each day.

During quieter times, Zach enjoys work boxes and his job skills class. Zach enjoys his classmates but tends to gravitate towards quieter friends who will not have sudden loud outbursts or upsets.  Zach wears his headphones most of the time at school to block out said sudden loud noises.

Zach's best friend at school is Sondra. Such an amazing sweet girl with a smile on her beautiful face from ear to ear. Sondra has Quadriplegic Spastic Cerebral Palsy, is wheel chair bound, isn't able to speak much, but is able to communicate her wishes and emotions clearly.  Zach and Sondra moved from the junior high last year to the high school this year together.

Sondra and her mom Ashley met us a couple of times at the library this past summer. The kids enjoy being silly together and Zach will get down on the floor to kneel at Sondra's eye level and say, "I bet you've never seen an orange rhino before!!!"  And the two will laugh and laugh as Zach says it to her over an over again. Ashley and I as their moms, have no idea where this amazing affection for each other has come from. But we are so very thankful for this authentic mutually beneficial relationship.

Zach will not seek out the companionship of other kids. He will sit near them, be kind to them, but never try to play with them or interact with them unless they are prompted. But with Sondra, he will seek her out, find her and wheel her to a place where they can sit together. He will push her wheel chair around the track and bring her indoors if he is cold, as she may also be cold. Often without saying a word, he watches over her, protects her and entertains her.

Zach enjoys reading, but only for short periods of time and only about things he is interested in. Holiday books are a big deal for Zach. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Fall and Halloween. He can't get enough. We check the same books out of the library multiple times every year.  Reading book after book after book. Occasionally taking a break to talk about orange rhinos. I love this picture and will treasure it always.  They both look so genuinely happy.  To be with a friend and have a great book in hand. I can't think of anything better.

No, Zach will probably not graduate to chapter books or ever read a novel. But then why would he want to?  The simple sentence beautifully illustrated books which can entertain the kids for hours brings them both so much joy.  And I adore that these kids can and will find a way of communicating with each other by just being next to each other and reading with each other.

Why I Don't Make New Year's Resolutions

I often overhear people discussing what their goals are for the New Year. Resolutions come in so many different forms.  Read more, drink less, exercise 5 days a week.  Spend more time with friends and family, spend less money on frivolous items, eat healthy foods.  The overall theme that can be found in each resolution is More of Something or Less of Something and usually involves some sort of Self Improvement.

I have been asked twice this week what is my New Year's Resolution.  My honest answer? I have never made a Resolution and probably will not this year.  When questioned further, I explained that I am not afraid that I won't be able to commit to the Resolution or that I would fail, rather I have made the conscious decision to avoid them.

I remember as a child I saw adults exercising, but not really enjoying it.  I saw women drag themselves to countless social gatherings and never even want to go. Why would an adult force themselves to do something that they didn't want to do and do it if it wasn't going to bring them joy? That seemed silly to me.

Absolutely, it is important to set goals, assess goals and reevaluate what is important to us as individuals. But why do we wait until the New Year? Why in the month of June, would we say I want to do a better job of intentionally reaching out to friends, but then decide to wait until January to make any changes?  Are we putting it off and naming the goal as a New Year's Resolution just so we don't have do anything about it right now? Delaying something that requires time, effort and planning so that we actually don't need to spend any time, effort or plan right at this very moment?

Ancient Babylonians and Romans made Resolutions at the start of a New Year which was usually celebrated with an 11 day festival in March, around the time the crops were planted and after the Nile flooded. The Babylonians and Romans probably had the same problems keeping resolutions as people do now. Only 8% of Americans keep their New Year's Resolution. Why?  Mostly because they like the idea of having a Resolution but also don't really want to have anyone hold them accountable for the follow through.

With the ever present rise of Social Media, American's feel an even more immediate need to state publicly what they would like to change, improve or do differently.  But does anyone else really care? I have never once decided to ask someone, So how is your 5 days a week at the gym resolution going? Usually because they already posted their Fitbit Steps for the day and checked in at the gym on Facebook. And if I asked about a goal, and they were failing miserably, they would probably feel bad and want to crawl under a rock.

Some say it is about seeking out friends and holding each other accountable. But let's be honest. Chances are you will begin to begrudge that friend when they make you get off the couch and go to the gym after you have settled in for the night.

So this year, rather than make a resolution, choose to make a life change.  Choose to inspire and impact those around you. Help someone else this year. Great. Keep your gym goal. Keep going. Remember your gym goal is for you, not for others.  Your muscles will not make me want to start lifting. But if you want to make a difference, and start helping the local community in need, strategize and organize now! Find out more about organizations that need help. Volunteer your time and your talent to help where help is needed. Talk to your friends. Share your passion with them about your vision and specifically ask them to help. You may be surprised at how many people are just waiting for an invitation. Collect food, collect clothing, collect school supplies. Talk with your neighbors about ways that they can tangibly help.

Call a local school or contact your child's school and find out if there are areas that they desperately need help in. Re-shelfing books, serving lunches, organizing work packets and projects, decorating for holidays or special events, meals for teachers and staff. Contact your local church or even your own. Wash those pews, offer to clean the pastor's home, volunteer your painting and remodeling skills. The list of ways that you can help in the local schools and at local churches is endless.

My daughter enjoys filling the Little Pantry in downtown Chaska with groceries and personal care items.  My son helps by baking for local families who have experienced hard times and could use a little extra love and encouragement for a season. Kids can make a difference and they do every day.  It just takes some helpful suggestions and often times modeled behavior to influence them for a lifetime.

All of this say, let this year be the year you change your idea about Resolutions. Rather than focusing on self, focus on others. Find a way to make a difference and make a positive change in your life and in the lives of others. And look at that. I suppose with the New Year pending, now is as good of a time as any. I mean the Nile hasn't flooded, and we will be experiencing our Arctic Minnesota winter soon rather than planting crops. But today is a good day for change.

Christmas tree lights

There is an eternal argument that occurs at the Gavin house. Colored lights or white lights on the tree. The kids and Josh like the colored lights and I want my department store tree with white lights. Josh bought a pre lit tree this year with both colored (super bright) and white lights. 8 settings on a remote. I do quite like the tree and the rare occasion that I get to display the white lights. Zach is silent about it and just changes the tree back to the colored lights.
Lily is constantly trying to convince me that the colored lights are better. This morning went something like this.
Lily : Mom, is that your new shirt? I like it. Look at the purples. Oh my gosh. It is almost like you match the tree. Like you were trying. See why those lights are better?!!
Bless.

Zach and His Christmas Drawings

Josh and I are absolutely amazed. First, it was Zach's affinity for all things letters and numbers. Then it was the perfection of what we call The Zach Font. Then he figured out a way to research every 3 step Blue's Clues clues and 3 step directions from Dora by Googling each individual show and then placing them all in order based on original release date. And today, we observed that Zach's Christmas drawings were near perfection. From the twist of ribbon in the candy cane, the swirls on the bottom of the sleigh or dimension of Santa's eyes. Zach's artistic talents continue to increase! ❤️  (Zach loves taking drawing classes on Kids Art Hub, types in anything he is interested in and then learns how to draw whatever he wants!) Amazing!

JOY

Yesterday was a tough one for Zach. He was flustered and belligerent most of day. The simplest of tasks weighed heavy on him and he hit himself twice. Those are the moments that hard for me as mom. We work very hard to fill each day with as much joy as possible for this kid. We want him to know that we are his safe haven. That we can comfort him when things seem overwhelming and stressful. But some days we fail. Yesterday being one of them. Today, Zach's mood has changed, he was thrilled to sing worship songs at church and hug friends whom he loves. Perfecting his silly faces and taking pictures he loves that I could put them all on one page to view. Modern technology never ceases to amaze him. He keeps saying wow, that's me. That's mom. That's my Christmas candy cane. I think today will be a good, joy filled day for Zach.

How Zach Wins The Game

 

The kids and I spend many a Saturday mornings in the months of November and December scoping out all of the local Holiday and Christmas Boutique's and Sales. From vendors, to crafts, to exquisite art and homemade treats. There are often many smiling faces, a goody or two for the kids, and an occasional cup of coffee for myself. Lily and I enjoy looking at handmade jewelry, discovering which vendor has the best deal and figuring out what items are to be purchased that day. I often stress the importance of supporting local small businesses as  I own two of my own.

Today at Cy's in Chaska, we found the party room full to the brim. Candles, jewelry, lamps, book marks, mircowaveable bowl holders, scarves, wreathes and Christmas decor, hats and purses and even the dish cloth lady. We found the lady that sells the chocolate pretzels and I bought one for each of the kids. I bought a few dishcloths, a shark scarf for Zach to help cover his mouth at the bus stop, a pair of earrings and a bracelet to give as gifts. I finalized my sale, got my change and my purchases were bagged. I turned to Lily and asked where Zach was.

Zach often goes missing for short amount of times. He bores easily and often wanders in search of bigger and better things. There isn't a boy I know that likes candles and tinsel wreathes.  I turned quickly with Lily in tow. As I rounded to the entrance of the party room, I saw a long leg stretched out on the floor and then Zach's body. My mom heart panicked for a brief moment as I thought he was hurt or had fallen. Oh no, Zach was absolutely fine. He had his head positioned right in front of the hole on a pool table where the cue ball falls. He was placing the ball on the green felt then sliding it into a corner pocket and quickly throwing himself on the ground so he could watch the ball slide down the eternal drop of the table.

I watched for minute, fascinated with my sweet 14 year old boy.  Zach's mind is amazing. He cares more about the how rather than the why. He was convinced that that game was all about dropping just one ball into the pocket and watching it fall to the opening. His made up game gave him such satisfaction. He turned and saw me smiling and watching. "Ha! Mom, look at that ball! I love it!"

He stood, pulling his tall almost 6' 2" frame up with him and headed for the entrance of the building.  And just like that, he was finished.  As we walked out the back door and descended the old wooden stairs, Zach exclaims, "Did you see that?! I won the game!"  Yes you did Zach. Yes you did. Between running errands and getting Lily's glasses tightened and straightened and heading back to the library to read to the therapy dogs, I am so very glad that we made time for Zach to win the game.