Urn
By: Kelli J Gavin
For- Writers Unite!
“You have got to be kidding me!” Constance screamed as she tried to muffle the
noise escaping her mouth. Both hands came flying to her own mouth before anything
else could exit.
“What? That piece? What’s wrong? It sure is ornate. It must be new. I wonder
where Carolyn got it. Hmm.” Calista murmured trying to go unnoticed by the other
guests.
“I swear! If Gerald is in that urn, I am leaving,” Constance announced as Calista
stepped towards her quickly knowing that everyone could hear them talking.
Calista blinked quickly, “Connie. Calm down. That isn’t an urn. It is much too big.
She hated Gerald and was glad he died. He was a brute and a bully. Why would she
place him in such a beautiful vase?”
Before Constance could answer, Carolyn sashayed into the room. Wearing another
beautifully tailored flowing gown, Carolyn nodded as a few guests as she made her
way across the room to her sisters.
"Isn’t it lovely? I have always had my eye in it at the antique store down on Smith
Ave. I knew this was the perfect time to bring the vase into my home,” Carolyn offered
without being asked.
“Gerald was an arse. You were with him for far too long. He doesn’t deserve to
dwell in such splendor for all eternity. I can’t believe you chose that as his urn.”
Constance sputtered.
In disbelief, Carolyn retorted, “Shush. What you are yaking about? Urn?
That isn’t an urn. That is an expensive vase that deserves a place of honor in my home.
Gerald isn’t in there. His remains from the Cremation place were delivered in a sealed
plastic bag in a small cardboard box. They are under the kitchen sink if you must know.”
Calista and Constance starred at Carolyn. It was Calista that began laughing first.
Low and quiet laughter, and then as Constance could no longer contain herself, she joined in.
Carolyn found humor in everything. She felt a bit a relief from the strangely somber day by
being in the presence of her sisters. Just three sisters laughing together at the funeral luncheon
of a deceased husband no one ever really liked.
“Carolyn, I know Gerald never gave you any access to anything. I know you didn’t have
access to your bank accounts or even spending cash. Gerald’s financial abuse was legendary.
And I know you haven't finalized the Will with the attorney or received any life insurance funds.
Where did you get the money to pay for that vase without any access to funds?” Calista asked.
“Turns out the safe in Gerald’s office was super easy to open. The 4-digit code is
my birthday. He had over $27,000 in cash in there. You heard me right. I also found out that his
life insurance policy doesn’t state his sister as the sole beneficiary. It is me. I will inherit
everything. The house is in my name, the life insurance is mine, and the attorney said that there
is nominal debt. Everything in the investment accounts and bank accounts will also be mine.
There were no other beneficiaries ever listed. That was just what he told me to make me feel
insecure and cash poor. As if the only thing I would ever have would be the house because
Daddy bought one for each of us when we got married.” Carolyn quietly disclosed wiping the
final tears from her laughing fit with her sisters.
“I also discovered that the business is debt free, and his business partner wants to buy
out Gerald’s portion. He made me a cash offer this past weekend after I approached him
carefully to ask questions. The attorney thinks it is a good idea to close on it quickly and the
offer is fair. From the business alone, his partner is prepared to write me a check for just over
$5 million. Gerald may have been the worst husband in the history of husbands, but he worked
hard and saved and invested well. I will want for nothing from here on out,” Carolyn smiled.
Mouths agape, Calista and Constance couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Such a
marvelous ending to a horrible 25-year debacle which was the marriage between Carolyn and
Gerald.
“If anyone asks, it’s an urn. Gerald’s urn. Make them think I loved him. Make them think I
am honoring him with such beauty in his passing. Because, if I’m honest, his ashes are being
discarded next Tuesday morning with the trash and recycling. I’ve always been great at throwing
out the trash.” Carolyn quipped.
Fits of laughter ensued yet again, and The Three Cs all embraced. Life wasn’t always easy,
but that is why the three sisters were so fortunate to have each other. Carolyn knew this and was
so thankful that the mood of this ridiculous day had turned joyous. The blessing of laughter, her
lovely sisters, a spectacular vase/urn was now hers and sat in her parlor, and a windfall of cash
was on the horizon. Today was a day to remember.
And next Tuesday when the garbage and recycling trucks pull up, would be her
first day of the rest of her life. Without Gerald.
Bio-
Kelli J Gavin of Carver, Minnesota is a Writer and Professional Organizer. 400+ pieces
published in over 75 publications. “I Regret Nothing- A Collection of Poetry and Prose”
and “My Name is Zach- A Teenage Perspective on Autism” were both released in 2019.
@kellijgavin on Facebook and Instagram
@keltotheg on TikTok
