Sunday, September 9, 2018

27 Weeks of Praise and Thankfulness- Josh Update

First and foremost, thank you again. Thank you friends and family and neighbors and even to those we haven't met that have been so incredibly encouraging these past 27 weeks.  Thank you for praying for us, for driving Josh to doctor's appointments, for feeding us amazing dinners and bringing us fruit to fill our fridge.  Thank you for loving on our children, for bringing me coffee, for spending time with Josh playing cards and just listening to him.  Thank you for mowing our grass and helping me set up for a garage sale.  Thank you for helping me tear down the sale. Thank you for hugging me and telling me that we are not alone.  Thank you for the amazing community that has worked tirelessly to keep our family functioning these past many many months. We are eternally grateful.

My husband Josh was diagnosed with Bilateral Vestibular Dysfunction with Complete Vestibular Failure. He will never fully recover from this condition and will most likely struggle from setbacks periodically.  He has been unable to work since April.

We have many PRAISES to report.

Josh most days is able to drive a car. He knows also when it isn't a good idea.

Josh has been able to attend church with our family for the past 4 weeks.  Using an earplug and headphones during the service, and avoiding worship (too loud and overstimulating) he has been able to come into the service just as Pastor Troy begins to speak and leave right after the closing prayer. 

Josh is able to do a prayer walk every morning.  (very important that remains physically active.) He tries to go on a short bike ride (three wheeled bike) everyday or every other day.  This physical activity helps with resuming every day life activities and is very encouraging to Josh.

Today Josh mowed our lawn for the first time!  He was smiling ear to ear when I arrived home with Lily. He was so proud and excited that he was able to do. He was exhausted and needed to rest after. But he did it.  His Vestibular Rehab Specialist believes by this winter he will also be able to snowblow our driveway and sidewalks.  She wants him to invest in a self propelled snow blower to make the job a bit easier on him. 

Josh was able to go out to eat twice this week.  This is a big deal. We had to sit outside with no one around us the first time, but the second time, we sat indoors with the kids and placed him facing away from people.  We ate quickly and exited quickly, but he did it.

Josh will be leading 2nd Sunday Prayer tonight at church.  This isn't something he has been able to do since last year.

Josh will attend his 2nd Elder Meeting  since January at church this Thursday.

Josh continues to work on his eye hand coordination and putts golf balls in the dining room and has even taken Zach to the driving range twice. This is something he was told may not ever be possible.

Josh has been approved to return to work tomorrow part time from home.  He will train two half days this week in the office and then work three half days from home. This is fantastic news!  Josh's employer has been amazing and so accommodating. Because he will never be able to work in the stores again any time soon, Lund's & Byerly's has created a fantastic position in Corporate Recruiting.  Josh is excited about this position and the fact that there is a job that he can do from home.  He may need to take rests throughout the day, but the way they have formatted this job, he will be able to do just that.  Josh doesn't need to return to full time work until the end of October. (26 weeks of short term disability) However, he and his rehab specialist believe a full time schedule is in the very near future. 

What do all of these PRAISES attest to? God's Faithfulness.  God is Faithful and True and Reliable. He is Never Changing.  He has never forsaken us or abandoned us through this trial!  This is why we continue to PRAISE HIM. He is WORTHY.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
“For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.
God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.”
The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.
So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath,
Forever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens.
So that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us.
If we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
Of old you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you will remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away, but you are the same, and your years have no end.
God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? Behold, I received a command to bless: he has blessed, and I cannot revoke it.
God said to Moses, “I am who I am.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I am has sent me to you.’”
But he holds his priesthood permanently, because he continues forever.
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Your faithfulness endures to all generations; you have established the earth, and it stands fast.
The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,
To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you.
God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”
For nothing will be impossible with God.”
But the Lord is the true God; he is the living God and the everlasting King. At his wrath the earth quakes, and the nations cannot endure his indignation.
Declare and present your case; let them take counsel together! Who told this long ago? Who declared it of old? Was it not I, the Lord? And there is no other god besides me, a righteous God and a Savior; there is none besides me.
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before you.
And also the Glory of Israel will not lie or have regret, for he is not a man, that he should have regret.”
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
When God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil way, God relented of the disaster that he had said he would do to them, and he did not do it.
For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.
Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’ calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.
I am the Lord, and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me,
Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts: “I am the first and I am the last; besides me there is no god.
“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me.
For the Lord of hosts has purposed, and who will annul it? His hand is stretched out, and who will turn it back?
Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases.
Your throne is established from of old; you are from everlasting.
The heavens are yours; the earth also is yours; the world and all that is in it, you have founded them.
The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations.
“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms. And he thrust out the enemy before you and said, Destroy.
“The Rock, his work is perfect, for all his ways are justice. A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is he.
“Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.”
For our God is a consuming fire.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.
For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist.
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.
Nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.
Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am.”
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.


Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.
These verses, of which there are many, many more, are biblical truth of which I am compelled to share with each of you.  It is absolutely true that a testimony of God's Faithfulness can be formed even in difficult times.  And this is exactly what has happened. 

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
I promise to keep you updated as we approach the next 27 weeks of Praise and Thankfulness!

Do You Feel Me?

Sad, pathetic looks from my children.  August is done. Kaput. Finito. Summer is almost over too.  And what does that mean? School.  My children love school, but it so hard to let go of summer.  The warm sometimes even hot days, the never ending walks on the boardwalk. The hours upon hours spent in the pool.  I have to admit, that sad, pathetic look can also be found on my face.  I don't want to let summer go. Staying up late, not having to get up early.  Enjoying late sunsets and drinks on the deck.  Fun evenings out with friends that I wish wouldn't end.  But you know what they say?  All good things come to an end. Well I am not doing it. I am not having it.   I will protest if need be, but summer is staying if I have anything to do with it.

I will wear shorts and capri's and sandals until October if I can. Holding on to every last moment of summer, I feel that when I put on those jeans and those stupid thick winter yoga pants, I am almost defeated.  As if winter wouldn't have approached so soon if only I had tried harder.  Resist. Always resist. Here in Minnesota, we often have six hard months of winter. Frigid temperatures, mountains of snow and a sheet of ice covers everything. I do not participate in any winter sports.  I do not enjoy any aspect of winter except for cozy fires by the fireplace.  And that isn't enough to merit 6 HARD MONTHS OF WINTER! I am not doing it. I can't be the only one.  Do you feel me?

Last winter was a hard one. Lasted way too long.  Those six hard months of winter felt like an eternity. Our last storm of almost three feet of snow came the middle of April this year.  April is supposed to be spring and flowers and green grass and buds on the trees.  Nope. Not in Minnesota.  It was closed schools and waiting for snow plows and wishing I had stocked up on groceries from the store.  It was praying our furnace would keep up with our need for heat and hoping the heavy snow wouldn't knock out the electricity.

So September, God Love You, I am just not feeling it. I am not doing it. I will remain in denial that September is here because I know that winter will follow.  And I just can't do winter again. Nope.  Resisting. With ever fiber of my being.  But don't worry, I have a sweater in my car just in case.



Friday, September 7, 2018

All Five Senses

All Five Senses
The Last One That Can See
#flashfiction

When I attempt to explain how it feels to be me, few understand. Actually, no one. The heft, the weight of my burden is more than anyone will ever experience.  I don't expect others to understand me or what it feels like, and I am afraid I have stopped trying to impress on them the difficulty I face daily.  I no longer attempt to even drop hints that I can see them. That I can see them and they can't see me.  To be the last one left with vision is no longer amazing. It is so very heartbreaking.

Yes.  Possessing all five senses is an actual gift, and I am fully aware that others wish they could be me.  But to be the only one that has functioning eyes? I still do not understand how it is possible.  I had intra-ocular lenses placed in my eyes in my late thirties when cataracts and glaucoma threatened my vision.  For some reason, the plastic lenses protected me from losing my vision when the ocular virus started to spread.  When I turned on the news and heard about the thousands of a people a day that would loose their sight instantly, I gasped as I believed that it was only a matter of time and I would face the same fate.  That fate wasn't mine.  Every person I saw, every person I came into contact with, every person I love, lost their sight. And I visually witnessed it all.  I never came to understand why there was an viral outbreak and why I was the only one immune to the globe crossing ocular virus. Now I believe, some things are better left unknown.

I would sit, silently, watching. Everyone who walked by me on the street would nervously pass me. Can she see? Should we ask for help?  I was able to tell that they could sense my physical presence even when they could not see me. I had free reign of the grocery store until the food trucks stopped coming to town. No one stands in line for food when you can't find where the lines are even being formed. People, desperate people, stumbling trying to find someone who can help, someone who can direct them to food and water. I was wounded severely once when I thought I could be the one to help a group of mom's with young children.  They clamored at me, reaching, grabbing, wanting my attention, wanting my help instantly.  Bruised and bleeding as if I had been in an alley attack, I limped back home.  I couldn't admit to someone I could see.  If I did, I would be risking my own life.  I had the one thing everyone in the world needed. The ability to see.

When the phones, televisions and Internet stopped working, it was one thing. But eventually radio silence.  Those that had the manual capability to reach out by transistor radio eventually stopped doing so also.  Did they give up hope?  Did the depression hit so quickly that they no longer saw a purpose in creating and fostering human connections?  When staying home, in self confined jails became too much to fathom, the loss of life was no longer measurable.  No one had the physical means after a month to even attempt to tend to the dead.  So there they lay. Where they decided their life would end. Floating in the rivers.  Rotting in their homes.  Stretched out if napping on the stairs of the church where they once went to Worship on Sundays.

I knew that I needed to flee. I would risk my mental stability by living alone, rather than my physical life by staying where everyone would eventually want to take advantage of the most horrible gift anyone could possess.  The gift of sight on a non seeing planet wasn't a gift but a torment.  I had every book at my disposal.  I read and made notes and tore out page after page from the books left abandoned at the library.  I would teach myself to grow food. To hunt. To build anything I would need.  To possibly figure out if I was capable to create energy which could be turned into electricity which could be turned into light.  I gathered batteries. I gathered wires, I gathered seeds and containers for water. I made time lines and plans as to what I would need to accomplish and when. My plans were foiled when sickness took hold.  Maybe pneumonia. I am not really sure.  I was about a week away from preparing to leave town when I was racked with severe coughing.  There wasn't a doctor that I could see, and I wouldn't even know if there were medications nearby that I could get my hands on.

So here I lie. In my bed.  Dozing.  In and out of consciousness.  This has taken me two days to write this down. Not sure who I am writing it down for. I know this sickness will end me.  If this notebook is found, who will be able to see it? Who would read the words on this page and be so flabbergasted at the fact that I am the last person with sight? No, someone will find it by searching with their hands for anything that is useful. This notebook will turn into paper to fuel a fire. Fire to keep someone warm. Until they decide that the church stairs seem like a mighty fine place to...



Tuesday, August 28, 2018

25 Weeks and No One Is Pregnant- Josh's 25 Week Update

Please find this as funny as I do.  I giggled when writing 25 weeks realizing women that are pregnant refer to the number of weeks.

Thank you again to each of you who have walked these past 25 weeks with my family.  Josh was diagnosed with Bilateral Vestibular Failure with a Complete Loss of Vestibular Function.  A challenging diagnosis that will have lifelong effects.  Each day is different. Some days he is filled with energy and able to be upright most of the day and even do some fun things with our family. Other days are so very challenging where brain fog and head pressure detour him from doing just about anything. He tries daily to do something. Anything. Sometimes it is to clean the car out. Or go for a walk or bike ride.  Some days it is lunch out at a restaurant. Other days require 4 to 6 times of laying down to rest and a quiet house to just enable him to function.

He has struggled the last few days with extreme brain fog, noise sensitivity and lack of energy. So the days are quiet and we try to keep the noise at a bear minimum. He has a conference call for work this morning and then we are going to attempt to take Zach to lunch before heading to his back to school day at Chanhassen High.  (Lily started 6th grade yesterday at Cologne Academy. She loves Junior High!)

We are praying for Josh that he will be approved to work from home part time starting the 10th of September. He sees his Vestibular Rehab Specialist on the 9th. She wants to assess his progress and well being one more time before she signs off on his return.  We are concerned that he will do too much too fast, so part time from home is a good start.  Josh will now will working in Recruiting for Lunds & Byerly's. He will office generally at home, but technically he can office at any store, and will eventually go to corporate maybe one day a week.  We pray that Josh will slowly be able to work up to full time hours by the middle or end of October.

Praises to Report:
We were able to make it to the retreat center in Wisconsin for a fun filled day a few Saturday's ago.  This time was so good for our family.

We were also able to away for a few days last week with Josh's family. Lots of swimming and boat rides and golfing and playing games together. It was tough for Josh, but we were so glad that we were able to do this as a family, as we had to turn around in July when we attempted to go to the cabin. It was a fun time together.

Lily had a great start to her 6th grade year and junior high!

Zach is super excited to return to school next week!



Prayer Requests:
Please pray for peace and rest. Josh struggles with anxiety (very typical of BVF) and struggles with restlessness. Please pray that he enjoys each day, remains calm and collected in the evenings and that he sleeps well each night.

Please pray as Josh returns back to work hopefully on the 10th of September. Pray for his bosses and coworkers as they learn about Josh and all that he is capable of. Pray for understanding if things don't go as planned. And pray for discernment as Josh works through pain, discomfort, brain fog and all the struggles he faces daily.

Please pray for our kids. Zach (15) and Lily (11) are in the throes of returning to school. Please pray for a successful and learning filled year!

Please pray for me as I jump back into my fall work schedule on September 10th. I am teaching a Tuesday morning bible study and I am now in the full editing phase of two books. I hope to have them completed by the end of October and to move on to the next steps of publishing. With a full schedule this fall, like every mom, please pray for stamina and joy.  That I will not be overwhelmed, but able to approach each day with a positive attitude and rely not on my own strength.

Please pray for fun family times for our family!  We have had a lot of months of quiet and are starting to get back into the swing of things.  We love game and movie nights and family walks. Pray that these times are meaningful and affirming for our kids.


How can you help?
*Summer is almost over, but we are still in need of help with mowing our yard and weed whacking.

*We also need help only for a couple more weeks with pool cleaning and then eventual take down when it gets too cold to swim.

*My family consumes a ridiculous amount of red apples!  If you are swinging by the store or Costco, we would love some apples! Zach alone eats 3 to 6 a day.  And I am only able to make it there about once every two weeks. I thank you for helping us with this weird request. :)

Thank you friends. Thank you family. Thank you for your love, your prayers.



Trying To Heal


Weekly, we are at the library.  Every Saturday morning from 10 am to 11:30 am. Like clockwork. Friends and family often know that this is where we camp out for the morning.  People often text asking if we are there. The answer is always yes.

There is something about the peace and quiet of the Chaska Library that enables people to talk. To really talk. To share their hearts and to unload the heft of life that often weighs them down.  I wonder how many of the conversations have been overheard by others.  I think the listener is probably just as encouraged as I am.  At least I hope they are. I don't ever talk very loud with the intention of others hearing what is being said.  But I have become aware of someone else's physical presence looming while conversations become deeper and more heartfelt.

There are so many things that I hear. People tell me just about everything.  I am often deemed as a safe place to share because I do not gossip and I strive to not judge. I hear about children struggling in school and diagnoses that are so challenging and heartbreaking. I hear about amazing times of re-connection with spouses. How a short time away enabled both the husband and wife to remember why and how they first fell in love.  I hear about the challenges of caring for aging parents. How it isn't something they would want to ever do, but feel obligated to help.  I hear about friendships that have dissolved over foolish childish arguments. I hear about the pain of watching kids struggle with school and friendships. I hear about the desire to return to school and change careers. I hear about the worry that never really leaves when it comes to unfulfilled dreams.

But what about all the things that haven't been discussed? What about all the things that hurt so much that you can't even talk about them?  The pain that has yet to be acknowledged, yet to be vocalized. What about the all the junk that hurts so much to even think about that you avoid speaking of it so it doesn't become real? What about the hurts of the past that you have yet to overcome, yet you refuse to talk about it because you believe that you will face judgement? And what about the secret addictions, the ones that cause shame and guilt and you feel that you are a moment away from being exposed as a fraud? Believe it or not, we all have those private things that we do not discuss.  You are not alone.  Your struggle may be different than mine, but you are not alone.

It is all about time. It is all about working through those hurts and finding a way to process them while letting them hurt a bit less every day. There is no time table. There isn't a for sure fix or formula that will make it better. But there are friends and family. There are the people that love you.  The people who will encourage you. And the people that will uplift you in prayer whenever you ask. Those are your people. Those are the people that will walk by your side, accept you as you are and work through the hurt with you.  Because chances are, they have their own problems that they are working on also.

Sending love to everyone who is trying to heal from the things they do not discuss.

-KJG





Monday, August 27, 2018

AT ALL



Here is the thing. It stings. It stings more than I care to admit.  When I write something really touching, or post something ridiculously clever, and it goes unnoticed. Unacknowledged. Un-liked.  But it isn't the likes I seek.  It is for the reader, sometimes a specific reader to find what I want to say to them.  When I write, usually short stories and poems, they are for small publishing firms, writers journals, websites and anthologies.  When I blog, it is quite personal, heartfelt and it means something to me. I want it to mean something to others in my life, too. I often write about people in my life and people from my past. I usually don't even go as far to name them.  I wonder if people are able to find themselves in my written words? If they see themselves and smile. If they discover themselves on page 152 and gasp for breath as they realize that same memory is one that they hold dear.

When I share on social media poems and stories that I have recently written and they have been published, it isn't for me to toot my own horn....Another one today! Woohoo! Third one this week! No.  It is advertising, creating a digital profile for future editors, Anthology compilers, and it creates a contact with more writing outlets.  Best two commissioned contracts that I have ever signed were from simple retweets and sharing a post. The people that I want to reach are able to easily access my public posts and read a wide variety of pieces that I have written.

But then there are the stories that I have written for the people that I care about.  My story Hands was recently published with a couple of different sites/anthologies. (I retain publishing rights as author to almost everything that I have written, hence, multiple publishing houses can publish my work.) I wrote that story about 5 people. But the story was meant for one single person. I don't know if they have read it. I will not ask. But I hope when they do, they smile. I hope whatever hurts, is quieted, possibly mended and that the days begin to get easier. My recent story When A Woman's Heart Hurts, was also quickly picked up. I wrote that story about one main interaction with a young encouraging woman in a restroom.  But I wrote it to encourage all woman. To let women know that they are not alone, there is always someone cheering for them, that reaching out might be difficult, but essential and that the heart hurt doesn't always remain.  The "About" and the "For" are usually two different people or groups.  But they are both so important in the overall storytelling.  The words, the actions, the love, the encouragement, and sometimes even the rejection and pain all serve as fuel for my fingers.  When I write, they are stories I feel compelled to share.

I saw writer post...Don't like my work.  Talk to me about it. Share my work.  -I love that.  Not in for the likes. But in it for the connection.  The conversations. The idea that others may also find value and validation in someones written words.

As a reader, when I read other writer's work, I can't help but engage in conversation. What I thought. What I liked. What moved me. Sometimes I even ask questions about what I don't understand. I ask questions about what inspired them. I want to naturally know more. 

My friend Jay Long and John Robbins are perfect examples. They both have published numerous books and they are impressive and thought provoking.  Each conversation I enter, I learn more about the art of writing. Rudy Francisco is a Button Poet. I have read his book Helium 4 times and find something new every time. Jen Mann turns out book after book and makes me laugh daily. I appreciate her approach and outlook at daily life. She understands it is ridiculous, takes it with a grain of salt and encourages others to do the same. My new friend Debjani (India) is a fellow Mercurial writer.  Her beautiful detailed writing about the sites and sounds of her gorgeous country make we want to stay up late and read until my mind understands all of it. Every last word.  My new friend Chloe-Helen Williams (UK) sent a few pieces by email.  I devoured them. Amazingly talented and I expect to see some big things from her in the coming years. Remember her name. You will be glad you did.  I love their work, I engage with them and talk with them about their work and I share their work.  The highest form of flattery to me as a writer is when someone remembers something that I have written because it was shared with them.

We live in a world of instant gratification and countless self esteem boosting social media websites. We have created this world, surrounded ourselves with fake friends, fake affirmation and whole lot of fake lives.

Rarely do we see the whole picture. Those perfect children? It took that mom six tries to get the perfect shot and whole lot of skittles bribing. All that success at sports and dance and every activity they have ever attempted?  Their family may be suffering. They rarely are all at the table at once, and those kids are feeling the pressure to succeed. Constantly. Those constant kissy face pics that are posted? She needs the reminder that their marriage will recover from infidelity. We don't see the whole picture. Only the perfect
glimpses.

Let's stop the fake. Let's stop pretending. Let's be real with each other. And sometimes that means messy buns and chipped nail polish. Sometimes that is peanut butter smiles and smiling children. And sometimes, that is admitting what a mess the day has been and calling in the reinforcements. The people that care about you and your family. The people you do life with.  Talk about that hard stuff. You need to.

I talk about the hard stuff. Sometimes too much.  Sometimes I am in pain. Sometimes I feel so inept at parenting and I need encouragement and advice.  And, as you have read this year, my husbands health has suffered greatly.  But what I write about, what I post, is truth.  It isn't always glamorous, someone is usually making a face at the camera, and sometimes I write in tears.  I have learned to be honest. I have learned to talk about the silly things. Like packing up kid clothes when my daughter now wears women's sizes and feeling sad about it.  Or telling friends that they can help us by bringing us honey nut Cherrio's and apples and fruit. (Thank you again to each of you who answered that bizarre call for help!) And when I need to ask for prayer because my husband isn't able to function, people respond immediately. They get on their knees and pray for relief. They pray for rest. They pray for healing. These real posts, lead to real connection. They lead to relationships with people in real life. Something I will always be grateful for.

So the next time you post something touching or clever, and no one "likes" it, do not despair. People have seen that pic. They have read the article.  They may also bring it up later in conversation.  They will thank you for sharing the jelly smiles, dirty shirts, crusty hair pictures. They will thank you for helping them know they are not alone.  They will hug you and love on you, not necessarily because you need it, but you are deemed safe, and they need the human connection. Be real. Be you. Be kind. Be loving. Then it won't matter if anyone reads your posts.

Monday, August 20, 2018

Climb Every Mountain- Why I Will Always Love The Sound of Music

My Senior year at Forest Lake Senior High School, I played The Mother in Abbess in The Sound of Music. I think it is my favorite role that I have played. I was still a horrible actress but was able to quickly use my singing ability to cover up my dramatic failings. In the stage version, it was the  main 4 nuns that sang My Favorite Things, not the children and Maria like it was in the movie. We had fun and really enjoyed performing this song.  But for me, being able to stand at the very edge of the stage over the orchestra pit and belt out Climb Every Mountain as the VonTrap family was leaving was an experience I will never forget.  I believe we did 7 or 8 performances over two weekends and I was absolutely head over heels in love. In love with this song, with this play, with musical theater. But mostly I was in love with performing.

I began singing when I was 9. My sister was a very talented dancer and had been dancing competitively since she was only 2. I went with my mom and sister to all the competitions and knew that some of them, such as Symposium, also had singing categories to compete in. My mom asked if it was something I would like to do, and I thought yes. She bought me a beautiful white lacy dress with long blue sash and naturally, the first song that I sang at the competition was My Favorite Things.  I won 1st place my first time on stage, and from then on,  I had the performance bug.  I loved the applause, I loved the accolades, and I loved when the judges told me to keep it up.

I joined a music school, a traveling kids choir and started taking private voice lessons.  I knew nothing of breath support, nothing of using my voice as a tool, and for sure nothing about protecting my voice. No more screaming and yelling. No more shouting or cheering.  And absolutely, stop drinking anything other than water or tea.  (It was hard for me to give up the apple juice and orange juice.) But I did everything my voice teacher instructed and then some.  I sang as I walked to bus. I sang in the tub. I sang while playing. I often got distracted and sang while doing homework. I hummed in class and was often reprimanded.  I wanted to sing, and I wanted to sing well.

I continued voice lessons all through Junior High but not as often when I entered High School as my schedule became a bit more full. After school drama practices and youth group events filled my days.  But I kept singing. At Churches, for The Heart Association Annual Fundraiser and other corporate events and dinners, County Fairs and at The Minnesota State Fair, and even found that I could major in Vocal Music Performance at the college I would be attending.

At Crown College, I loved singing in Women's Chorale, continuing voice lessons with a Professor, and Music History and Music Theory Classes and the opportunity to sing often at events. Choir Tour through 5 states the spring of my Freshman year was amazing.  When I was 18 and declaring a major at college, my young mind thought that Vocal Music Performance sounded superb. Learn about music, hone my craft and become an excellent performer. Right up my alley. Until I actually got to Crown and realized that the only major I was interested in wasn't available anymore. I was at a loss. You mean I have to pick something else?

I didn't want to teach music.  I couldn't be a nurse. Didn't want to want to be pre-med. Didn't want to teach school. What was I going to do? I decided to focus on my Bible Minor and learn as much as I could while taking as many music classes as possible. I enjoyed Old Testament and New Testament History, Harmony of the Gospels, Psychology, World History,  Apologetics and many other classes.  I quickly ran out of money after my first semester of my Sophomore year. I knew I was going to have to drop out of school, figure out what would work for me and absolutely get a full time job.

Dropping out of College was a very difficult decision.  I started working full time a month and  half later at a financial institution and then was married four months after that.  No, I didn't abandon my dreams of singing, my dreams changed. They became more realistic.  Would I keep singing? Indeed I would. At county and state fairs, at churches and weddings, at special events, and I would absolutely continue singing in the car and in the shower. Those were where some of my most amazing performances would continue to occur.

While continuing to explore music and lyrics, I rediscovered my love of poetry.  So many beautifully written poems were just waiting to be turned into music.  I adored short beautiful, sometimes heart wrenching stanzas that pierced my heart and would bring tears to my eyes.  I started reading more, not just poetry, but short stories and the classics. I often had long drives to and from work, and discovered books on CD were a wonderful way to digest amazing literary works that I wouldn't have time to read otherwise.  I then started trying my hand at writing again. I had written short stories as a child, poetry as a teen, and found that I was ready to write again.

I have enjoyed experimenting with writing prompts, (some which are using song lyrics to write a story) writing flash fiction, non fiction stories and am currently working on two books.  One, a full length book which is a collection of short stories and poetry. The other is a children's book, written with my son Zach from his perspective. Zach is 15 and has Autism.  He is an amazing artist and the book explores what it is like to be a teen with Autism.

I love singing with my son and daughter.  My son loves Worship music and will request something new every evening.  My daughter Lily has more eclectic taste.  She loves TobyMac, Skillet and Lauren Daigle.  She adores all the Music from The Greatest Showman and knows the entire soundtrack by heart. I do not hold enough musical knowledge to ever write a whole song, but would love the opportunity to create lyrics at some point.  Lily, in her own mind, has already written enough music for an album. We will just have to wait and see. Josh used to play the guitar quite a bit and even accompanied me a few times when I sang at churches and Christmas concerts.  However, he leaves the singing up to the kids and I.

If I ever break into song, it usually is the song Never Enough, anything by Sam Smith or Adelle and worship songs that have made my heart soar. Please be kind and tolerate my musical distraction for a bit.  Music fills my heart with joy and even recharges me as it does for so many others. Now, if I ever start in with a dramatic performance of Climb Every Mountain, shut it down.  That is me trying to show off.  And nobody has time for that.





Prayer and Thankgiving- Remembering My Mom Today- Jo Cook 8/4/26-2/27/13

My mom would have been 81 years old today. She passed many years ago and is missed daily.  I heard someone talking about how special the beg...